I have failed but will not give up

I have failed but will not give up

When I started a personal blog, I did not know what this blog would be like until December 2020. Last year, I started penning down everything I did throughout the year in words. Before actually starting this, I had thought that ” I do not want to forget the moment and people. “

Even though I have not published anything since December 2020, I did have plans to write, but shit was not over. It continued month to month, and I did fail in almost everything. I did not only think of quitting. I did leave at some point, but I did not GIVE UP until now.

The struggle is still going on without complaining. If you have read ” Every quarter of this year has been different for me,” then you may know where I was and where I stand now.  

Let’s begin.

Exam stressed the shit out of me.

As some of you know, I got serious about finishing my studies back then, but accounting was way harder than I thought, and I found myself struggling to go through the content of accounting.

It is not the only thing I had in life back then. I quit my job at Tim Horton because of the schedule and got back to Safeway. Due to this, I was even behind paying rent. But, Corrie has been so kind since I moved to her house.

It was hard finding balance between work and studies and other shit that has been going on during that time, and the midterm caught me off guard. I did not expect an exam too soon, but I could not say much as time ran out. Somehow, I did well in the exam and passed.

But it was not over. I had to study even harder to pass the final exam. The first four-month of this year went by so fast that I could never get enough time to review because so many things had been going sideways. For instance, I got locked in my bedroom, and then I called Viral, who came at 4 in the morning.

The final exam of accounting and results were dramatic and horrific because I got an F grade in the final exam, and then I got to know that It was a glitch in the system, but for some time, I could not feel the ground below my feet. (It has a long story that should be secret)

And, It ended well last as the grade updated to P, and that’s what I wanted. It could not be possible without Viral and Sikhil, who came to save my ass on time.

Meeting beautiful people while camping.

Um, It was a relief when I heard that I passed in accounting and completed a study that I had been waiting to hear. It was a moment to celebrate, but I did in a really weird way, eating Samosa in the mountains with Viral and Vinay.

I stopped working early just because of an exam, and when I started it back, it was weird, but I had to do it. I could not sit at home for long. So, I had to go back to work again.

Slowly, I got used to working every day and giving interviews every week for other jobs, but I did not have any luck getting one. I think I started working at 7/11 in June. It wasn’t fun, but I also did not have any options.

In between work and work, I got to enjoy my time off, and one of the best moments of this year was the birthday party/camping of Elijha. I went camping for the first time, and that day turned out to be memorable. I still remember when I went to my tent very late and woke up so early to sit by the creek.

 

During camping, I got to meet many new people. I can recall the names of people like Elizabeth, Molly, Masha, Alexander, and Matt. Most of them, who I camped with, are artists. Some are musicians, and some take beautiful pictures.

But, those three days went quickly. One day I was camping, and the next day I had to run to work at 7/11 without even a shower. But all went great that time. I appreciate each and everyone who I met camping.

And then, I went on an unplanned trip to Vancouver.

I still do not know why I went to Vancouver, and I can’t find an answer. Sometimes I think I needed a reason to go on a trip at that time. Still in doubt, but what mattered after months is I had a good time on a 1200 km road trip.

 

Technically, I went there to write an exam that I could not take because I arrived late at the exam venue. It was really funny because we were trying to get to the venue, but It was hard to go anywhere in 10 minutes, and when I reached the venue, they said: ” SORRY, You are late.

And then, I just went back to the hotel and headed to Surrey, where we had lunch at a famous restaurant. I could not control my emotions for Indian foods and ordered things that I do not normally get at my residence.

I also hung out with an old friend I met in 2020 when I ran away from Smithers. It was a short meeting but worth some time at English Bay Beach. Then, We went to some more places before heading back to Smithers. On the way back, a lot happened.

Getting Interview calls, Joining and Quitting the job

I never thought of joining and quitting. All I had been trying to do was find something I like. Unfortunately, I could not get any and started a trend of starting a job and quitting. I think I left almost 13 jobs until now.

I needed to stop the trend by sticking to one job but, doing so was messing everything up like, I work two weeks for one company and then resign.

I think this started with 7/11 and continued until I joined Tim Horton back. I also had moments at a different workplace where I felt like what I signed up for, which was not normal. But, I had to do it and quit the very next day.

In the process of changing jobs, I had to visit the hospital many times for lower back which still troubles me even after taking medications. 

I have a lot to share about this trend, but It is not a good idea to share about this now. So, I will expand this part later next year or whenever I think the time will be appropriate.

Can not deny the fact that I got some real people

No matter what I have been through, I can not stop counting the moments I had with real people. I believe in keeping the circle small but valuable. So, I feel blessed when I see these people around.

Name starts from Viral and Vinay, we had differences initially, but we figured our way out with time. Now even they are an emergency contact for me in Canada. Manmeet from Vancouver is an accidental contact that later turns into a brother.

If you know from last year, Corrie is a kind, human-like Janet. I also got another friend who (Oz) is from Zimbabwe. When I look back, I can see differences in some old names and some new names.

But some stayed the same even after one year. There have been ups and downs, but these people were with me in one or other phases. I can not stop thanking the very special people in the blogosphere who never let me loose and always gave a vibe of hope and relationship.

I still remember when I was so stressed and could not find anyone to talk to about the problem. I called Rajesh Bhai, who immediately talked and gave the best advice.

Last year, I had a really deep conversation with people in the blogosphere. These people are Abhilasha and Aquif. Overall, I would say the blogosphere is forever family.

Last two months, I Never felt anything.

It is good or not, but I didn’t even get time to think about what I was doing and why. What will I get after working so hard ? Still, I have been working like a machine. It is not like I only thought of starting blogging again, but I never got enough time to write or even delegate. I even tried delegating but, It did not work out. I ended up losing motivation.

But I know that I will start it again once I get relief from this fucking Canadian life that sucks.

In December, I got severe lower back pain, so I had to go and see a chiropractor and doctor. Since I took a month off from Tim Horton, I took painkillers for my lower back every day. So, I can go back to work. 

It was not over yet. As you go through life, you see so many unexpected things unfolding that catch you off guard, and you can not really do much about it. It was one of those moments when I sat with my coworkers ( great Canadian mom ) and one of my friends together. We had all day talking and just talking. That’s about it, but it turned into a memorable moment now.

Do you know what’s funny? Even after all of these, I still had to work even if I was not well because this happens when you are by yourself and have to take care of yourself anyway. Well, I could only focus on what’s important.

There were times when I kind of lost all the motivation to do anything. Well, I am also going to expand this part later next year.

No Plan For Next Year

Yeah, I do not have any plans for next year because what matters for now is mental health that might take some time. Once I get back to normal, I will plan or make a goal.

I do not believe in sugar-coating anything, so I can not make resolutions for this year like others. I may sound like a negative person, but this is me now. I will focus on only one thing that is being me (annoying me) for the rest of the year.

(I am going to add some photos from each moment, It each photos has story behind them that is already shared above.)

Happy New Year.