Even though I shared what I have been through this year, It made me think about everything I failed in when I looked back.
It’s neither inspirational nor exciting to others, but it surely will help me remind what I could do differently and what I should do now.
Let’s begin with the first week of this year before starting next year.
January to April: It was nothing other than an official break from studies, but I was still enrolled in two courses in which I failed in the second semester. Technically, I was repeating two of that course, and I fell in both of them again. It could have been better if I could even make it in any of that course. If I look at that, then It’s just me who procrastinated and delayed everything tomorrow. I scored well in Mathematics mid-term, but I could not make it to the final.
During this time, I was also working full time and getting just two days off a week. I could manage time and prepare well. Everything has been going so smoothly that It looked easy when it was not.
I just had two courses to complete, which I could not do, and I knew that’s not even a lot, but I think I did not do what I was supposed to do and mostly had excuses while working on any task.
It could have been better If I had not procrastinated back then. I also got a crush on someone but it did not work out as well. (Unlucky)
May to August: That’s when I started another semester and got busy from the beginning. I took five courses, and three of them were out of my league. I was working more than enough due to Covid and also taking online classes. It used to be like waking up and attending class, and by the time class was done, it’s time to go to work. I mostly closed the store. I used to come home at around 11 PM. It used to take a lot of time cooking and then working on the assignment until it’s done. Back then, I used to sleep around 3 or 4 in the morning and sometimes even at 5 AM or 6 AM.
It was not so hard but having so many things stressed so much that it made even the most comfortable thing more complicated. I could try until it’s done. That’s what I did. I also planned to start a blog, but It did not go as planned. I also looked for another job, and It did not work out for me as well.
I tried to do many different things, but neither of them worked in my favor; instead, I messed so much while trying to do something differently. I was utterly messing during these months. I was even performing well in courses and scored more than 70 percent in all of the midterms.
But at the end of the semester, I fucked up. I failed in one course in which I least expected and got plagiarism in one of the assignments for the bizarre reason which I tried talking about with the instructor, but It did not go as It was supposed to, and in the end, I had to accept the fact that I’m fucked.
I could sense depression at that time and found myself in Vancouver. Yes, I went to Vancouver just after the final exam, which was all of a sudden. I didn’t even want to go there. It was like booking a ticket right away and cost me my nuts.
But, I had to fix what I did wrong by going to Vancouver. So, I was back in town within one week. I asked myself, why did I go there in the first place? But I had no answer.
September to December: It’s the fourth semester and could be the last semester, but just because I failed in a course one after one, it cost me thousands of dollars and months, which I have to wait to complete the study.
But this time, It did not make any mistakes. I was more concerned about studies during these four-month than in previous months. I even tried to finish everything on time, and I did it on time. I put everything other than assignment and class on an unimportant list of tasks and just focused on what needs to be done.
I kept doing what I needed to do. It was not easy, but I made sure that I did it and not put any vital tasks on the next day. I used to do it as early as I could. I also tried to apply for a different job, just like the last four months. Unluckily, nothing happened until October when I got the chance to do volunteer work for an organization. It was for some time, but it made some difference.
Trouble has been there throughout the whole year. College kicked me out of the dorm a month before the end of the semester, and it could be hard to find a room/apartment in winter, but Janet (friend) put so much effort into finding something for me.
She has been an excellent friend to me since I met her (She is very kind). She kept trying very hard and got something for me. It could be challenging, but Corri made it possible. I was even more surprised when Corri and I got to know that we met each other in the very first month of landing in Smithers.
Overall, this year has been up and down. But, I met good people like Janet, Fisayo, Erin, Gurigpal & Corrie. I failed mostly in a course which I’ve taken. Even though I tried hard, I also had no luck getting any other job. I even tried to run away from the situation one after one, but I forgot that it’s life, and it does not let you run, no matter how hard you try running. It will always hunt you down and make you do what you are supposed to do.
Surprisingly, December has been a good month for me since I moved into a new house. I did great in college. I’ve got a good grade in almost every course. I successfully landed a new job and also working on my first job as well.
Learning: I tried to run away from the situation, which made the situation worse for me, which took very long to manage. I messed things up while running away from it. I also procrastinated a lot this year. Furthermore, I did not plan anything and kept going without knowing what I’m dealing with. I didn’t even have a schedule of anything. I also lacked patience and got into arguments a lot with many people at different places.
Before writing this, I didn’t even give it thought, but now, I am writing this. I will be focusing more on planning and executing. I will be taking action more than wandering around doing nothing.
I even started something and have been working on it. I did not create anything significant, but it’s something I love doing. I do not know if whatever I am trying to do will make any difference next year.
I am working on my planning part, and I suck at it. So, I am taking baby steps. I do not want to stress out and stop doing it. I still need to figure so many things out before actually executing it. But, planning is what I am working on right now.
I might procrastinate, but I will try not to let myself do that from now on, and to make sure I do not do it, I will be making a monthly review of myself and improvement. I also do not know if it will help me anywhere or not. I am still going to do it to see if it makes any difference.
All I can say in the end is, every quarter of this year has been different for me. (It was originally published on 28 December 2020 )